Текст песни с аккордами
Вступление
[Verse 1]
(No CAPO)
A
I know what's gonna happen
E
I'll try to go to bed
E
With fear of failure flapping
A
Like a fruit bat in my head
A
I'll sleep for half an hour
E
The clock will ring at six
E A
I'll wake up in the shower with a stomach full of bricks
D
So I won't have any breakfast
A
Maybe just a little tea
E
Like when you have to go
A
And get a colonoscopy
D
Which incidentally isn't half
A
As disconcerting or upsetting
E
As going for a part you know
A
There is no way that you're getting
[Verse 2]
A
But anyway I'm heading
E
Downtown for the audition
E
Where everything I'm dreading
A
Will be coming to fruition
A
And here's what's gonna happen
E
I'll walk in weak with hunger
E
And there's a dozen girls
A
Who look like me but ten years younger
D
I'll go into the bathroom
A
And I'll try to vocalize
E A
And I'll be singing "minga-minga-minga-minga-ming"
D
But I'll be hearing Sandy sucks
A E
She really sucks, she really, really, really blows
E E
And she's old, and she's lame
E
And then someone calls my name
[Verse 3]
(CAPO I)
A
And here's what happens
E
I'll walk into the room
E A
The gross fluorescent lighting is inviting as a tomb
A
And everybody smiles
E
They'll say its good to see ya
E
But all I see is judges
A
And they'll all look like Scalia
D A
And then a little banter as they look me up and down
E A
And somewhere through the fog of insecurity and hate
D
I'll try to convince them that I'm charming
A E
And I'm clever and I'm fun to have around
E E
But I'm starting to unravel
E
In my head I hear the gavel
[Bridge]
F#
Guilty!
They're gonna throw the book at me 'cuz I'm
F#
Guilty!
Of coming in and wasting all their time
F#
Guilty!
Of almost every other showbiz crime
G
Not young enough!
G
Not thin enough!
G
Not pretty enough!
G
Not good enough!
N.C.[spoken]
We hereby sentence you to a lifetime of waiting tables and debilitating self-loathing
[Verse 4]
[sung]
A
But wait now someone's asking
E
So can we hear your voice?
E A
I make a lame attempt at humor: Do I have a choice?
A
I nod at the pianist
E
He's always wearing black
E
He's always in a turtleneck
A
With dandruff on his back
D
No sooner do I get my note
A
And open up my trap
E
Then inevitably some mealy-mouthed assistant director's
A
Thumbs are all over his iPhone
D
And I know he's probably tweeting
A E
LOL, This girl is crap
E
She's a fake
E
She's a phony
E
She could never win a Tony
[Bridge]
E A
And now I'm in a place I know quite well
E A
I've left the world, and I've entered hell
A
I'm this far away from a fainting spell
E A
But just before I die
(CAPO II)
E
I finish a song
A
Which I oversell
E
Somebody says thanks
A
And wishes me well
A
The next thing I know
A
I'm at Taco Bell
E A
Stuffing my face with meat
[Verse 5]
A
I'm trying to take it slowly
E
I'm trying to be my best
E
I'm trying to be more holy
A
Less bitter and depressed
A
I'm reading Eckhart Tolle
E
He makes a lot of sense
E
I bought a Buddhist bowl
A
He says he it helps you be less tense
D
It doesn't do a thing for me
A
I sit there on the floor
E
And watch a vivid sequence
A
Of humiliating instances from my past go by
D
And think what kind of masochist
A E
Keeps coming back for more
E
When she knows what's gonna happen
E
'Cuz it never doesn't happen
E
'Cuz it always, always
[Verse 5]
(CAPO III)
A
No! I know what's gonna happen
E
Don't tell me that I don't
E
And don't say that I'll rise to
A
The occasion 'cuz I won't
A
And don't say I've got talent
E
And don't say I've got heart
E
And don't say that I'm clever
A
'Cuz I know I'm pretty smart
D
I'm smart enough to know
A
That I'm too stupid to admit
E
You can't survive a diet
A
That consists of eating shit
D
The trick is knowing when it's time to pack your bags
A E
And say "that's it!"
E
You know what's gonna happen
E
I know what's gonna happen
E
Here's what's gonna happen
A
I quit!
A
I quit!
A
I quit!
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